Montpellier – La Rochelle: 37–13

Montpellier made the most of the October sunshine to hang La Rochelle out to dry. Solid, inspired and precise, the hosts handed out a 37–13 that left no room for argument. La Rochelle, unrecognisable, took on water in every area of the game. We had come expecting seasoned sailors; we found cruise passengers caught in a storm. As if La Rochelle had never really come aboard. You would swear the GPS had been left behind at the Vieux Port.

Clermont – Montauban: 84–31

Were we at the butcher’s? This was not a match, it was rugby carnage with special effects, so thoroughly was Montauban turned into mince. Clermont rolled out the steamroller, turbo version included. Twelve tries: Christophe Urios’ men had not mistaken the fixture for an open training session. The supporters, for their part, did not flinch: it is hard to applaud with your hands clenched by vertigo. Over at the Michelin, word has it the scoreboard is still in the recovery position…

Castres – Racing 92: 20 – 16

The good old Castres recipe, straight out of the cupboard. The heist of the weekend. In every respect. Racing were leading in comfort, sure of themselves, before Castres came along and robbed them of the win in the last five minutes. Papali’i scored the try that set them free, prima ballerina style (irony fully intended), to the cheers of a Stade Pierre-Fabre where visitors really do not come looking for winning points… but often for bruises and a headache. Castres remain true to their trademark: ugly, abrasive, effective. And worst of all, it works.

Toulon – Pau: 33–17

A touch of déjà vu here too. For the return of big Charles (Ollivon), Toulon played their tune with application and seriousness. Perhaps even with their hands on top of the handlebars. Four tries, attacking bonus point, happy crowd. Pau did try to play the party-poopers, but at Mayol it is always the mistral that decides. The upshot: Toulon move back into the upper half of the table, and the stadium can switch the cicadas back on. Toulon are the diesel that never stalls. Pau, the electric car that broke down.

Perpignan – Stade Français: 11 – 28

Five matches, five defeats. The Catalan counter still shows zero points and a great many sighs. Stade Français, without ever forcing things, rolled out the rugby of a serious top dog: a little intensity, a few well-aimed hits, and a clean win beyond dispute. At Aimé-Giral, they are starting to consider group therapy. Even the Blood and Gold look short of iron. The morale ward is full.

Bordeaux-Bègles – Lyon: 32 – 20

UBB played with their supporters’ nerves. Ahead, then behind, then back in front again – a proper thriller. Lyon believed they could turn the tables, but Bordeaux took the attacking bonus point out of the fridge just in time. An intense match, a little scruffy, but devilishly alive. The kind of game where you sweat as much in the stands as on the grass. Hot, but not burnt to a crisp either.

Bayonne – Toulouse: 40–26

The French champions ran into a blue and white wall. Bayonne, in a state of grace, dominated Toulouse in every sector. The Basques scored, tackled, roared and, above all, believed. The result: 40 points and a monumental win. The Basques got everything right: the passes, the up-and-unders, even the bounces off the posts. At one point we could have sworn we saw a back-rower produce a step-and-go AND a folk dance in the same passage of play. Toulouse tried to respond, but Bayonne were Mad Max, rugby edition: organised chaos with a singsong accent. Dazed, Toulouse head home with the lesson of the day: you do not turn up at Jean-Dauger with your hands in your pockets. Bayonne lead the Top 14. And for the sceptics: no, that is not a typo.