Ladies and gentlemen, here is a non-exhaustive list of what a rugby player deserves to find under the tree on 25 December. Gifts that are useful, practical and above all vital to his sporting (and social) survival.
1 – An air freshener for the rugby bag
A gift that can literally save lives. Between soaking wet boots and kit forgotten three training sessions ago, the rugby bag often develops a stomach-turning smell.
2 – A towel
It may sound basic, but the team-mates of the bloke who systematically asks:
“Lads, can anyone lend me a towel? I’ve forgotten mine again…”
will thank you warmly (and drily).
3 – A budgy smuggler
Impossible to overlook the rugby player’s official swimwear. On holiday at the beach, it will allow your athlete to spot his own kind instantly, establish eye contact and, in all likelihood, make some friends.
4 – A massage gun
Perfect for easing Sunday-afternoon trauma… and for trying to get off the sofa on Monday morning without groaning.
5 – A set of spare studs
Because discovering, five minutes before kick-off, that a stud has gone missing is an experience nobody enjoys.
6 – Two tickets for a Top 14 or Pro D2 match
Going to watch professional rugby is always a pleasure. Especially alongside a mate whose match analysis is a serious rival to that of the France coaching staff (beer included).
7 – A mouthguard
A gift that should be compulsory. Too many players lose theirs at the very first session and only think about it again after leaving an incisor in a ruck.
8 – Birkenstock Bostons
The dream clogs for any rugby player: simple, airy, comfortable and perfectly suited to the post-match, the third half and the walk of shame to the bakery the next morning.
9 – A gym membership
Essential for staying in shape, absorbing the impacts of the match… and above all surviving those of the third half.
10 – A speaker
Getting the mood going in the changing room, in the showers, on the bus, before the match, after the match and even at training is an absolute must. Singing bawdy songs strengthens team cohesion and, according to some very reliable sources, increases the chances of victory.
A reminder
Above all, avoid the box of caramels: for a rugby player, that would be a genuine insult. We wouldn’t want him trying to forget the humiliation by wolfing down every last caramel in one go.
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