Stade Toulousain turned UBB into a doormat, Pau into the new king, and USAP are still on their forced points diet. A weekend that proves this league is a stage play written by a scriptwriter on caffeine.
That was round 6 of the Top 14, and if we had to sum up the mood, it was a bit like a family dinner that turns sour for some, but ends with a grin on the faces of the enfants terribles.

French rugby has never been closer to the absurd. Between a Stade Toulousain who mistook UBB for a team of interns and a USAP still looking for their first point, we came within a whisker of dying laughing (or having a nervous breakdown). Hold tight, the Brennus is nowhere near finding a stable owner. Ladies, gentlemen, supporters, referees, and you, the purists who still believe in “le Jeu à la Française” (we love you), round six of the Top 14 ended with the sound of smashed crockery and the heady scent of the unexpected.

Section Paloise – Aviron Bayonnais: 47-24

Section Paloise keep taunting and defying every prediction, and have settled into the top three. This weekend, the garbure drowned the gâteau basque. The south-west derby was over almost before it began… The Bayonne players went down and off the field like scattered skittles. Pau are a bit like the Top 14’s hipster: nobody ever bets on them, and yet they are always there, playing surprisingly brilliant rugby. Their rise is so quick that you almost expect an LNR drone to turn up and check the points tally. Because Section Paloise are top of the Top 14. Read that again, you never know. Pau, who are supposed to play the part of the likeable little club who make a nuisance of themselves now and then, have decided to lead the league, like a Tuche tourist who ends up President of the Republic after a misunderstanding. The Basques of Aviron, usually so proud, sank without trace. You have to wonder whether the Pau players swapped Bayonne’s water bottle for pastis with no ice.

Lyon – Perpignan: 44 – 19

The LOU blew Perpignan away (44-19), without ever looking as though they were straining and without showing much serenity either. The pack set off at a trot, but in a tight group, until they devoured a stray ewe who did nothing but hand herself over to her predators. The Catalans are officially collecting defeats the way other people collect stamps. Zero points after six rounds, you cannot do worse than that. The question is no longer “will they win a match?”, but “will they give us a losing bonus point before Christmas?”. A descent into hell for USAP, spanked by a few little Lyon devils.

Toulouse – Bordeaux: 56-13

A genuine symphony. Under the purple sky of Ernest Wallon, Toulouse got the magic wand out and Bordeaux the handkerchief. 56-13: a vintage spanking, stamped Sud-Ouest. Capuozzo on the high wire, Ramos the sniper, Jelonch shifting souls like furniture. Stade turned the pitch into an opera stage. UBB, for their part, watched the brass band go by while still looking for the score. Toulouse were not playing rugby: they were staging a festival, and Bordeaux were the guest of honour among the extras. UBB, who had visibly come to Ernest-Wallon to do their shopping, fielded a reshuffled side that was swept away more efficiently than a parquet floor after a cyclone. This was a performance that brings back memories of the final lost in 2024. It would seem that UBB have a phobia of American football scorelines whenever they face Stade. Careful not to leave the shirt in the washing machine too long before the big occasions, gentlemen.

Stade Français – Stade Rochelais: 26 – 24

In Paris, the crowd at Jean-Bouin got a finale worthy of a low-budget action film. Stade Français Paris tamed Stade Rochelais 26-24. And that is about it. We did wonder at one point whether we should turn the television off. La Rochelle, still hunting for the compass that took them to a European double, did not disgrace themselves, but you cannot help remaining worried about the level on show. Will the TV movie ever turn back into the action blockbuster everyone wants? On the other side, Stade Français are the team who win even while apologising for it. A little suspense, a little panic, and in the end it is Paris who win. They join the 19-point club at the top of the table, proving that sometimes the art of winning by the narrowest of margins is a talent too.

Clermont – Toulon: 27 – 10

ASM dominated proceedings at Marcel-Michelin. The Jaunards put in a solid performance, particularly in the first half, pulling clear and making the break. They even virtually had their hands on the bonus point, that little sweet treat that always goes down well at the end of the day. But that is where the famous Auvergne syndrome kicks in: the inability to finish the job perfectly. Zack Mercer’s rescuing try for Toulon, on 56 minutes, denied Clermont that extra point, like a cat knocking over a wedding cake at the last second. Or that blond-haired kid who kicks over the dominoes. The Clermont supporters let out a collective sigh, used as they are to these frustrating finishes. ASM do climb the table, but the air is still a little heavy with regret. They say the Clermont bonus point flew away like a tyre on the A75, but the win is there.

Montauban – Castres: 28 – 32

Castres Olympique won at Montauban. We could stop there. But no, come on… a little effort. As they do every weekend, CO reminded us that rugby is a sport in which victory does not spare you a good stress attack. USM, for their part, proved that a red card can be an excellent mental coach. The meeting between US Montauban and Castres Olympique had all the makings of a neighbours’ derby that turns into a Sunday afternoon nap for one of the two sides. Until the 50th minute, the script was deadly dull as far as suspense went: Castres, tidy, efficient, were comfortably ahead. CO were playing the rugby you expect from them: no-frills execution, a Swiss clock, in short, the guarantee of a win with no fun (but with the points). And then Montauban did themselves a favour. After a sending-off for dangerous play, the team got the condemned man’s jolt of clarity. Realising they had nothing left to lose (apart from the match, but that was already the case), the Sapiac men suddenly played like men possessed. Castres then did what Castres do: they panicked, watched the lead melt away and gave away more penalties in the last 20 minutes than in a whole Top 14 season. The Sapiac crowd, sensing a shock was on, turned into a hysterical sixteenth man. In vain…

Racing 92 – Montpellier: 32 – 25

This was a win that reeks of pragmatism. Let us say that Racing 92 won the game with the enthusiasm of a teenager doing the washing-up: it is done, it is clean, but nobody is going to write a poem about it. If Montpellier had a few moments of bravery, they really cannot find the right formula, nor any consistency. The 25 points they scored show a certain attacking pride, but their defence is about as reliable as a sandcastle facing the tide. MHR are currently in the phase where they are wondering whether the problem is the shirt, the pitch or the alignment of the planets. They leave with nothing, and are starting to glance nervously towards the bottom of the table. The good news is that they managed to score more than UBB did in Toulouse. That is something for the pride, at least.

The Top 14 is a show in which kings fall, peasants seize power, and the Catalans are on a points strike. And that is why we love it: it is as unpredictable as a lineout throw on a wet day. Roll on round 7!